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What Do You Say To Yourself?


Chris Spivey

What do you say when you talk to yourself?  If you just said, "I don't talk to myself".  Guess what?  You just did.

We all talk to ourselves.  Maybe not out loud, but all of us have an internal dialogue.  How we use that internal dialogue can greatly impact us.

In a recent edition of my monthly letter, "Spivey's Stories From Real Estate & Beyond", I mentioned how I'm a huge fan of books by Navy SEALS.  I can't read enough of them.  When I take a break to read a book on something else, I'm eagerly thinking of the next SEAL book.  I'm fascinated by what drives these men to not only endure everything they go through, but also succeed at the highest level.

Last year I read the book "Unbreakable.  A Navy Seal's Way Of Life." by SEAL Thom Shea.  I came across it during one of my frequent trips to Barnes & Noble.

The back cover had the statements "An action-packed memoir intertwined with a powerful and unique set of lessons on how to lead a more productive life" and "It's not only a powerful story of an amazing human being and his 23 years as a Navy SEAL, but it also provides a powerful self-development tool".

BAM!  I was in after those 2 sentences.

I discovered the book was much more than what I expected.  Throughout the book Thom talks about how powerful our internal dialogue is.  Thom says "You can control fear if you can control the words in your thoughts.  Your internal dialogue, what you tell yourself every conscious moment, is the source of power when properly controlled, but it's also the source of weakness if you lose control."

If you tell yourself you can't do something, then you won't.  If you tell yourself something is impossible, then it will be.  If your internal dialogue is negative, then more than likely your outcome will be negative.

But what if you controlled your internal dialogue and made it positive?  What a powerful tool that can be.  Find the positive in things, even if it's a small positive, and use that.  Use your positive internal dialogue with everything, big events or small, seemingly trivial things.

I have kitchen clean-up duty just about every night my wife cooks.  She's an amazing cook.  I'm not, so she cooks and I clean.  On those nights when I dread the dishes duty, I think of my mom.

She passed away in 2013 of an unknown neurological disorder that took away her ability to walk and eventually confined her to bed.  When I'm not feeling like standing there for 30 minutes doing dishes, I think about how she would've loved to have been able to stand on her own again to be able to do something as simple as washing the dishes.  Immediately I tell myself how blessed I am to be able to stand there and have the ability to clean the kitchen.

I control my internal dialogue at that point.  It's no longer a chore that I HAVE to do.  Now it's something I WANT to do and I'm so happy that I'm able to do it.  I put some music or a podcast on and happily get to work.

There are so many more examples I could give.  The point is, what you tell yourself is such an important part of your happiness.  Don't let others control how you feel.  

Take ownership of your internal dialogue, make it positive.  Go out and get after it.

I hope this helps in some way.

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Chris Spivey
Entrepreneur, Philanthropist, Aspiring Leader
RE/MAX Essential

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